


You Never Know How

by shannedo



Series: You Never Know How [1]
Category: Football RPF
Genre: AFC Ajax, Angst, Lots of Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Manchester United, sorry about that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-27
Updated: 2014-10-12
Packaged: 2018-02-19 01:12:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2368898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shannedo/pseuds/shannedo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Making the biggest move of his career proves even more difficult for young Daley Blind when he finally realises what - or rather, who - is causing him pain.</p><p>-characters/relationships will be added along the way-</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Cast your minds back to the 3-1 PSV defeat. Hard, I know. I'm planning 4 chapters but that's subject to change! As is the rating :) Characters/relationships will be added along the way!

Pulling his t-shirt back on, Daley was dressed and ready to go home. There wouldn't be any clubs tonight, just goodbye smiles and sleeping off aches that felt bone deep. It wasn't anything new. He'd lost matches before and he'd lost to PSV before but today, it felt even worse.

He felt someone brush past him and looked up to see Jasper making his way back to his kit after a shower, a towel wrapped around his waist. Daley noted the slump of his shoulders, the harsh line of his locked jaw. An uncomfortable sound rose in his throat. He'd seen his teammate look like that before.

Daley respectfully averted his eyes as Jasper swapped his towel for boxers and sweatpants. Jasper tugged on a t-shirt and sat to put on his socks and shoes, so Daley took a seat too, knowing he couldn't let Jasper go home looking like that. The taller man's hands quivered as he struggled to get a sock onto his damp foot. If his jaw was clenched any tighter, his teeth would crumble and the harsh bob of his Adam's apple had Daley feeling the burning sensation of being so close to tears but unable to just let go.

Niklas was the last person in the changing rooms besides the two of them. He gave Daley that awkward clap on the shoulder that so many of his teammates had taken to. An uncertain motion that was halfway between a "Goodbye and good luck," and "Next time, mate. Next time." Daley felt like a weight lay on his chest, impossible to budge.

His captain moved on to Jasper and, after a second's hesitation, ruffled the damp blond head still struggling with shoelaces. Jasper's shaking fingers slowed for just a second, enough time to allow him to give Moisander the slightest nod. Then Niklas gave Daley a look that he couldn't quite understand and left the changing rooms.

The silence was deafening. Daley's fingers curled over the polished wooden slats of the bench, tongue in knots as he tried to figure out what he should be saying. Jasper's knuckles were white as he tugged and tugged at a knot in his shoelaces, roughly clearing his throat in an attempt to stop the scorching pain he felt there.

"You," Daley tried, shattering the silence in a way that made Jasper jump. Too rough. "You - you need to stop this, Jasper." Definitely too rough.

The taller man's slumping shoulders went rigid. His jaw twitched. His fingers curled in on themselves. "You think I don't know that?" he asked quietly. The shoe lay forgotten in his lap, laces still awkwardly knotted.

"It's-" Daley cut himself off again, stuttering several more times before he knew what to say. "When you do this, when you're like this... it's hard."

"I know!" Jasper said. "I know I screwed up. I don't need to be told. Least of all by you." He looked angry and Daley's heart dropped. That was not what he meant, not at all. Why was it so hard to choose the right words? Why did he feel like he was on a tightrope when it came to Jasper, one wrong word away from screwing everything up?

"No, Jasper. I mean that you need to stop this," Daley waved a hand at the older man, encompassing his rigid body. "You can't take all our losses and shortcomings on your shoulders and call them your own. We're a team. We all lost. Not just you."

Jasper turned his head to look at his friend and his green eyes were so filled with sadness that Daley couldn't bear to meet them. Instead, he shuffled up the bench until he sat shoulder to shoulder with Jasper and took his shoe from his lap. His steady hands worked on the knot in the string and he could feel Jasper's eyes on him. "It doesn't feel like that," Jasper said, his voice barely above a whisper.

"It's because we're sportsmen, Jasper," Daley told him, the corners of his mouth twitching at the thought of the speech his father had been giving him since he could kick a ball. "We know our strengths, we rely on them and soon, they seem like default. Like it's no big deal to catch a ball Lionel Messi boots at your head," Daley gave Jasper a teasing knock with his elbow, drawing a strained chuckle from the other man. "But our weaknesses are what disappoint us, drag us down, let down people who rely on us. Often, we're too caught up in our weaknesses to see faults in other people. All we see is how strong they are, how quickly they react... how stunning their smile is. So we don't see the things that keep them up, tossing and turning all night. We think we're the weak link because as long as we have faults - which is forever, by the way - we know we can get better. You're already amazing, Jasper. Strive to be even better." Lace unknotted, he passed the shoe back to Jasper.

"You think I have a pretty smile, Daley?"

"All of that - I bust my balls on that speech - and that's all you gather?" Daley asked, sharing a grin with Jasper.

The blond man chuckled and shook his head. "No, I... you're right. I trust you."

His eyes looked less sad now, far happier and his smile was so amazing. This guy shone like the sun, breaking through the clouds on a grey day. "Trust yourself, Jasper," His brow furrowed and he failed to meet Jasper's eyes as a twinge in his chest worsened. " God knows the only person you can trust in this game is yourself."

Jasper was silent for a moment, the only sounds to be heard was their recovering breathing and the roaring blood in Daley's ears. "You feel guilty, don't you? For leaving?" Of course Jasper could read him like a book. His impending transfer still wasn't a definite thing but yes, Daley felt it weighing on him like a ton of bricks. "God, Daley. Why? I mean, I love this game more than anything but it's my job, same as it's your job. You don't just turn down a massive multi-million transfer over some misplaced sense of guilt. Yes, Ajax was the start of it all but everything they gave you, you've repaid them. You deserve this, Daley. More than anyone, you deserve it."

Just like that, Daley wondered if that had always been his and Jasper's problem. They both knew what they could have - riches, success, happiness - but they didn't think they deserved it. "But I... we need - if I just left, what about you? I can't just drop everything, drop _you_ and run off to Manchester to chase some little boy's dream-"

"Daley Blind, the only way you could possibly let me down is if you didn't live the things you've always dreamed of," Jasper cut across him, sounding strong, his voice quavering ever so slightly. "You've never let me down, Daley. You were there for all the victories, yes but you've been there on the bad days, too. You've done so much for me and now what I want is for you is to be happy." A large hand grazed Daley's cheek and his head was gently pulled up to meet Jasper's eyes. He looked so sure, so sincere and Daley's heart leapt.

"I am happy. Right here," Daley said. _Right_ _here, in this room, next to you._

"Yes, schatje but you could be even happier elsewhere."

It was honesty time, he decided. Those serious green eyes made Daley feel like he could say anything right now and Jasper would understand. "I don't see how I could be happier elsewhere. I'd be without you."

Jasper looked taken aback, eyebrows raised. "I didn't realise I was a contributing factor."

"More like a deciding factor, domkop," Daley said, turning his head back to stare at his lap. Jasper didn't say anything, in fact he seemed frozen. "You're oblivious," Daley muttered, giving an incredulous chuckle. "You think I talk like that to just anyone? You think I'd turn down Manchester United to go have a pint with Viktor? And I thought you were smart." He gave a laugh at the last part, a flat one that only made his chest ache.

"You're not turning down Manchester United."

"Maybe I will, maybe I won't."

"You're not fucking turning down Manchester United, Blind," Jasper sounded commanding, insistently tugging Daley around to look at him. "Y'know why? Because no matter what you do, whether it's transfer to United or Feyenoord or emigrate to Peru, I'll be there. Supporting you, helping you, loving you."

"You love me, Jasper Cillessen?"

"Of course, you idiot," and then he leaned in to press his lips to Daley's.

It was everything Daley had ever wished it would be. Jasper smelled like grass stains and coffee and soap and he was so gentle yet insistent against Daley's mouth. He could feel those sweeping eyelashes brushing against his cheeks and the warmth of another body, so eager to be near him, moving in harmony. Jasper was, to put it simply, overwhelming in the best possible way. When Jasper leaned back, Daley's eyes remained closed but he held Jasper's bicep in a vice grip, to make sure he was near, to hold him close.

They remained like that for the longest time, just breathing each other's air and scent like an intoxicating drug. Feeling the pain they'd suffered today drift away. It didn't matter, especially not now. Nothing mattered right now except from the fact that Jasper loved him and would love him regardless of what came next.

And somehow, despite tomorrow being nothing but a question mark, that made it all okay.


	2. Chapter 2

It was to be his final night as an Ajax player. Tomorrow morning, he'd go to the training complex, break the news and say his goodbyes. A contract and a jersey later, he would be something else entirely.

He'd broken the news to his parents over lunch and his father had held him and hugged him for about five minutes straight. He was so proud. His mother had dabbed away tears; his sisters had been so excited. And he was too. It felt unreal, knowing that in a matter of hours, he'd play for one of the biggest clubs in the entire world. He would wear a jersey so many only ever coveted.

Manchester United. He could barely think it. Manchester fucking United. How had it all come to this?

Even with the overwhelming excitement, the pride, the sense of worth, he felt something else. Something dark and aching ate away at his insides. When his agent had called him to confirm what he already knew, it was bitter bile and tears of pain that climbed his throat. For one insane moment, he thought to refuse, to tell his agent to tear the contract to shreds.

It was such a stupid, selfish thought. But it weighed like a brick in his gut nonetheless.

He needed something to distract him, so he pulled his phone out of his pocket. He fired off a text to the people that came to mind first. Vik, Nico and... well, and Jasper. Daley so wished he'd had Jasper there with him to break the news to his family but no one else knew about them and he meant no one. Not Viktor, not Niklas, not De Boer, not his sisters. He'd only kissed him for the first time - or rather Jasper had kissed him - about a week ago. They weren't exactly at the shout it from the rooftops phase just yet. They'd been going for lunch after training the entire week and they stole kisses whenever possible. It never progressed past that.

Regardless, he hadn't even begun to comprehend his feelings for the blond man. When he tried, he just felt scared of how deep he was already. And now, he was at a loss.

He pushed it all from his mind as he typed.

Up for a round of drinks on me at the usual place? 8pm. We have cause to celebrate ;)

He noted the three replies that came in as he put on a nicer shirt and sorted out what Jasper affectionately called his mane. He slapped some aftershave on before checking his appearance in the mirror. Satisfied, he grabbed a jacket and was out the door of his apartment. He traipsed down the stairs whilst answering the texts - three confirmations.

Arriving at their usual bar, Daley bought the first round of drinks and took a seat in a booth. Nicolai arrived first, giving Daley a knowing waggle of his eyebrows and taking his glass of vodka and cola. Then came Jasper, sitting close to Daley but not so close that he'd look conspicuous. Just plain cola for him. Daley knew full well alcohol had never graced the man's lips. The same could not be said for Viktor though, who arrived as fashionably late as ever and took his pint of beer.

"Well, thanks for showing up," Nicolai nodded to Viktor, earning a cheeky grin. Two Danes and two Dutchmen walked into a bar, it sounded like the set up to an awful joke. "I'm sure I'm just as eager as everyone else to find out what we're celebrating. So come on, boys. Out with it." He looked between Jasper and Daley expectantly.

Daley cleared his throat and sat up a little straighter. He took a gulp of his beer for proverbial Dutch courage, his hand finding Jasper's under the table. Jasper immediately twined their fingers together, curious expression never shifting. He gave Daley's hand a reassuring squeeze. "Well, uh..." Daley began, his mouth feeling dry, trying to find the words. They already knew exactly what he was about to say. "I - I'm not. I don't," he coughed, trying to clear the tight feeling in his throat. He counted to three. "I'm, uh, transferring. To Manchester United."

The excited roars that erupted from the Danes stunned him. Nicolai slapped him on the back. Viktor punched the air. "Oh my god!" Viktor gushed. "This is amazing. Amazing, Daley. You little genius!"

"Fucking brilliant kid, Daley Blind," Nico was saying. "I'll always boast about playing by your side. Oh my god!" Daley grinned, looking between them and their gleeful expressions. Then his gaze slipped sideways.

Jasper wore the broadest smile Daley had ever seen. He looked so happy. Daley's heart ached. "Congratulations," he offered, far more calm and intimate than their teammates. Daley could feel Jasper's thumb rubbing circles on the back of his hand. Those green eyes were bursting with adoration and happiness. He could only manage a weak smile.

"You know what this calls for?" Daley was yanked back to the here and now by Viktor's all too familiar mischievous tone. He exchanged a look with Nico, who was clearly having the same idea. "Tequila shots!" Daley bit back a groan. "We can get you red bull if you'd like, Jasper." Jasper didn't even look towards Viktor, only nodding his consent.

Viktor and Nicolai left the table to put in their order at the bar. As soon as they were gone, their enormous presences left the atmosphere around the table quiet. A roaring quiet. "You must be so thrilled! I'm so proud, Daley," Jasper said, squeezing his love's hand, still giving him that look of adoration, of devotion.

Jesus Christ, this was even what Jasper wanted for him. So why couldn't Daley just want it for himself? He gave a short sigh. He was too sober for this.

He raised his glass to his lips and took a long draw of beer, returning for a second as soon as he'd swallowed. "Daley," worried by his lack of a reply, Jasper gave his hand a tug. Daley couldn't force himself to look at him and drunk until he found the bottom of the glass. Too soon.

"Daley, are you okay?" he sounded so worried. The ache in Daley's stomach was nausea now. He looked to Jasper, the look of adoration that had been there only seconds ago was now worry, shock. That made it worse.

The silence around the table made his skin crawl. Jasper's worried gaze had shivers coursing up and down his spine. His stomach squirmed and a dull ache was starting in his head.

"Daley, please. Look at me," Daley felt Jasper's free hand against his cheek. Jasper coaxed him into meeting his eyes, his beautiful eyes. He was a shade paler than usual but still so gorgeous.

Daley didn't know why he did it. He just acted. He never should have and what was worse was it was only the beginning. Pulling his hand from Jasper's, he took the blond man's face in his grasp and brought his mouth clashing down on Jasper's. Their teeth knocked and Jasper made a sound, soon muffled by Daley's eager tongue. He licked and explored the other man's mouth and after a moment, Jasper stopped responding. Daley pushed against him, lips bruising, needing some kind of a reply. He got it when a strong hand closed over his bicep and shoved him away.

The younger man sprawled back against the padded booth seating and in the slightest second, he realised what he'd done. His face went bright red with shame as Jasper spat into a napkin, not once meeting his eyes. He flushed his mouth with cola and spat the beer-tainted backwash into Daley's empty cup. Disgusting, Jasper knew full well but not as disgusting as what Daley had just done. "Jasper, I -"

"What the-" the blond cut himself off, instead giving an awful sigh. He didn't look at Daley and his jaw was clenched tighter than that day in the changing room. That day, Jasper had promised to support him no matter where he wanted to be and they'd both said words they had no hope of taking back.

Daley had betrayed that. Even if it was only a kiss, even if it was only a taste of alcohol, he'd forced himself on this amazing man and refused to back off. The nausea in his stomach built.

"To be honest, I was expecting something else-" Nicolai cut himself off when he realised Jasper and Daley were silent. Even Vik's monumental grin slipped as the two rejoined them in the booth. For a split second.

Nicolai took two shots for himself and Viktor another two. "And three for the newest Red Devil! Watch yourself on that hellfire, alcohol is flammable," Nicolai said. He elected to ignore whatever was wrong and Viktor did too, chuckling at the joke. Daley appreciated their behaviour, as they knew full well if Daley wanted to tell them, he would. He looked to the three shot glasses in front of him, full to the brim. Well, he'd already dug a hole metres deep. He might as well keep digging.

He knocked one shot back like lightning, the nasty stuff burning his throat. He'd never been one for tequila shots, especially seeing as the stuff had even worse effects than vodka or liqueur. But tonight he didn't feel like himself, like Daley. Tonight, he was Daley Blind, Manchester United player, complete and utter asshole. He didn't see what was wrong with a few shots.

Nico and Vik applauded him. Jasper was sipping at his energy drink. The second shot was past his lips and down his throat before his eyes had even stopped watering. He raised the third. "We should go to a club," he said, the tequila already biting his words and his thoughts. "Go before this hits," he gestured to the dangerously full shot glass.

"I'm not sure that's a fantastic idea," Jasper said.

"Of course it is!" Daley insisted. "My party, my transfer, my decisions." He didn't even meet Jasper's eyes before knocking back the third. "Onwards?"

"And upwards!" Vik said.

They'd found a dance club before Daley understood what was happening. He paid for three glasses of too bright liquid at the bar. Jasper said mixing drinks was a bad idea. He'd already had a pint and three shots, so he guessed it didn't matter.

The stuff was rancid. The sour, spine tingling taste was palatable with the strobe lighting and booming music though. He put the empty glass down a little harder than necessary and found Jasper's hand in the crowd. Nico and Vik were already too drunk to notice. He pulled the taller man away from the bar, into the sweaty tangle of people bouncing on the dance floor. A man with his wits about him might have realised that Jasper was far from comfortable. Daley had left his wits with the tequila and he liked the song booming over the loud speakers. Soon he was dancing with Jasper, or dancing against him was probably more accurate.

Jasper had never been a dancer but he seemed rigid next to a tequila-sloppy Daley. Jasper's cheeks were pink, his expression blank. To his credit, he danced well when given the chance and his hips could move but he soon became stunted and irritated. "Daley, stop it," his tone was gritty.

"What?" Daley asked innocently.

"Stop this," Jasper gestured at him. "And don't blame the tequila either. When you drink, you smile even wider, you fall about giggling, you hug me and kiss my cheek. What the hell is wrong?"

Daley felt a twinge of irritation. He couldn't do anything right. Even when he'd done exactly what Jasper wanted in the first place. "Nothing's wrong, Jasper! I transferred, like you said I should," he replied.

Jasper muttered some obscenity before backing off of the dance floor. Daley lost sight of him in the flaring strobe lights. He found he didn't care, returning to the solid beat and the dancing people around him. It felt good, to not think, to let go, to taste the freedom he could only find on the football pitch.

Except this wasn't freedom and before long, the weight in his gut was pulling him down like an anchor.

He tried not to look for him. He tried but he quickly found himself squinting through the lights. He found the other man standing against the wall and their eyes met across the room. Then, Jasper left out of the club's back entrance.

Daley didn't have a choice. He followed Jasper, just like he always would.

Outside, the cooling August air bit him like a slap in the face. It sobered him slightly, made it possible to reach through the growing fuzziness in his head to understand what he was seeing. Jasper leaned against the wall of the club, not speaking. He was using an app on his phone and Daley could tell he was booking a taxi. It didn't take a rocket scientist. "Jasper," he murmured.

The other man didn't look up until he'd locked his phone and pushed it back into his pocket. He looked to Daley, his expression a sad mess of confusion, hurt and anger. "I'm going to ask you once more," he said, holding Daley's unfocused gaze. "And I need an honest answer. Give me an honest answer, Daley, you owe me that." The younger man could do nothing but nod weakly. "What is wrong? What is hurting you so much that it's hurting me?"

He should have expected it but for Jasper to put it into words, for him to state that Daley was hurting him, it was a kick in the gut. "Jasper, I-" he broke off the sentence. He couldn't find it in himself to lie to this man, not again. "I don't want to go. I can't go... not without you."

The sound that escaped the goalie's throat was akin to hysteria. "Really? That's what this is about?" he asked, incredulous. It stung Daley, to watch the man discredit his feelings like that. "You don't want to go to Manchester United, the biggest club in the world because of me? Please tell me you're joking."

"You know full well that I'm not," Daley spat, anger seeping into his tone. "You know what you mean to me, Jasper. Don't insult yourself by making me spell it out, not anymore than you already have."

"Oh, I'm the one insulting myself? Please explain that logic." Jasper narrowed his eyes at Daley, the sarcasm evident in his tone. But hands that were normally so steady were quivering, betraying some kind of fear in the other man.

Daley didn't know what to do with that. In his drunken, slow mind he was struggling to piece it all together and to temper his words. "You're acting like you're not worth it! Like it's fucking ridiculous that I'd move a mountain to be with you," his voice was rising now.

"It is ridiculous!" Jasper insisted. His quivering hands balled up into fists. "Stop making a fool of yourself, you are not giving this up for me."

"Why not?" Daley felt like a petulant child.

"Because you will regret it," Jasper replied, his words as sharp as a blade. "You will regret it for every single second of your career and of your life. And I will see it in your eyes every time I meet them. I'd still have to face that every day. I can't live like that," Jasper was nearly shouting now and moisture gathered in his eyes. His slender chest heaved, his arms making angry gestures at his sides. Daley wanted nothing more than to hold him, to comfort him, to love him but he couldn't move. His alcohol stalled body couldn't even consider movement now.

"Jasper, you have to understand," he tried.

"I can't. Whatever it is, I can't."

"Well, what now?" he snapped.

Jasper swallowed hard, shining eyes looking to the quiet backstreet, a lone taxi standing at the curb. "I'm holding you back, so I'm going to leave."

"Jasper-"

"I'm leaving. I can't do that to you."

"So you can't support me but you can leave me? You can break my heart but god damn it, you can't let me love you."

"Daley-"

"No, Jasper! Stop it. This isn't about Manchester United or me being weak, it's about you and your problems! You can't let yourself be loved, you don't think you're good enough to be loved. That's what it always comes back to."

"Goodbye, Daley."

"Good fucking riddance," Daley snapped as Jasper got into the taxi. He didn't even know what he was saying now. "Find your fucking spine before the qualifier, the team has a championship to win."

Even before the taxi was gone, Daley felt the crippling weight of his words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry. Except, I'm not. Mwahahaha.  
> All feedback is massively appreciated! Thank you sooo much for the kind words on the last chapter. Lots of love, guys. I hope Ch3 won't take too long :)  
> My [tumblr](http://www.scisaaclahey.co.vu)


	3. Chapter 3

It was hard, standing there. The others were finishing training. Nicolai was trying to drop kick training balls into the bag that slumped at the side of the pitch with little success. Vik was enjoying the show, looking pale in his hangover haze. A few other boys ambled towards Daley with forlorn smiles on their faces. He gave them each a handshake and accepted their congratulations. The heavy feeling in his chest didn’t subside.

He wished he could have been on the grass with them, sliding around, laughing, drilling, playing.

More than that, he wished Jasper would just look at him.

His head was aching in a dull manor, his stomach rolling. Whatever he’d had to drink last night lingered on his breath no matter how much toothpaste he used. It nauseated him further with every smell of it he caught. His skin felt dirty, even though he’d scrubbed himself clean and his mouth felt like it was stuffed with cotton. An unsettling ache settled in his chest and he knew that that wasn’t the hangover.

At this point in training, he’d usually linger on the pitch with a ball at his feet and practice footwork. He'd show off and strike the ball straight for the top corner of the goal, just like Robin van Persie had taught him. The World Cup felt an age away and so did the person who would always throw himself three metres through the air to save his strikes.

Nicolai’s aim went wider than his other attempts and a wayward ball careened towards Daley's head. He stepped back and got it under control. Nico whooped in appreciation before jogging over to his former teammate, Vik beside him. “So this is it then, you miserable bastard?” He teased, grinning at his friend.

"Afraid so," Daley nodded. Vik was squinting against the harsh sun, looking pretty sick. "It’s been an honour," he said. "I’ll miss you guys."

"Yeah yeah, don’t start the waterworks," Vik chipped in, his usual cheeky smile back on his face. "We’ll miss you too, Daley. Thank you."

"No no, thank you."

"Don’t be a stranger," Nico told him, pulling him into a hug. "You’re always welcome here."

Vik enveloped the both of them. “Watch out for yourself, win loads of trophies,” he said. For a second, Daley let himself enjoy their warm, beer scented embrace, letting out a full body sigh. Then, the pair of them had to move out of the way so that Daley could give out hugs, handshakes and teary goodbyes like they were free cakes. Niklas, Davy, Joel, so many people Daley would miss so much.

Daley looked up to the pitch, feeling pathetic for looking for him. He saw someone standing by the goals, guzzling water, his gaze fixed on some far off spot. Viktor followed his line of sight and understood. He ushered the other players away from Daley and towards the changing room, giving his friend a nod before leaving.

For a second, he had no idea what to do. Then he looked down, noticing he still had Nicolai's ball at his feet. He kicked it forward, chasing it onto the pitch at a lazy tempo to allow him more time to think, more time to breathe. He stood in the penalty box before long, at an angle to the goal posts. Jasper hadn't even acknowledged his presence. Daley cleared his throat. "For old time's sake?" he asked, flicking the ball up to play keepy ups.

Jasper took a long gulp of water and sighed. "Congratulations," he said, sounding mechanical. "Good luck at Manchester United." He stalked off towards the changing rooms without a further word.

Anger twisted in the pit of Daley's stomach like an ugly beast. Rage, anger, guilt, pain. Grief.

He struck the ball into the back of the net. A ball Jasper could have saved.

* * *

 

They lost the friendly against Italy. He told himself that it wasn't just his fault, it wasn't just the fault of a left back and a goalie who refused to even meet each other's eye. But he knew as well as anyone that a raw relationship could throw off the entire team.

It was all his fault.

* * *

 

Manchester United was a world away from anything he’d ever experienced. Their training complex - complex - alone could fit about six stadiums inside. The cars of his new teammates were big too. Range Rovers, Audis, Ferraris, even a Lamborghini, to name a few. The men who drove the cars were just as large. As strong, as tall, as broad, as egotistical, as drop dead gorgeous. It was a blessing when Robin arrived. Although he was as gorgeous and strong and famous as the rest, he was at least familiar to Daley. His smile - more of a smirk than a smile - lit up his face as he strutted up to Daley, sports bag on his back. "Did no one show you to the changing rooms?" he asked. Daley shook his head. "Well, there is a reception over there, if you ever lose your way." Robin pointed and sure enough, the reception was clearly labelled with a plaque next to the door. The younger man blushed.

The changing rooms were so clean and bright that Daley had difficulty believing they were used every morning. They were still relatively quiet, save for a few people he'd seen arrive. Robin steered him towards a tall, lean man with a kind smile. "David, this is Daley."

The massive man's smile split into a grin and he held out a gloved hand for Daley to shake. "Buenos dias, Daley."

Caught of his guard, Daley roughly shook the extended hand. "Dag," he replied bluntly, "Uh... hola." David snorted.

"Lo siento por él! A bit overwhelmed," Robin explained. De Gea nodded, smiling and saying something else Daley didn't catch. Then he was being pulled away to the other side of the changing room, where Robin dropped his bag on the bench.

"You speak Spanish?" Daley asked, bewildered as he put his bag down. He pulled out the brand new training kit, a small smile reaching his lips as he saw the number seventeen emblazoned all over it.

Robin laughed, replacing his hoody with a track top marked with twenty. "I know basic words and phrases. Half the team are Spanish speaking, you pick it up," he said. "Just be careful it's not Portuguese you're picking up. Portuguese is... weird."

Giving a snort, Daley pulled on the rest of his kit and followed Robin outside.

 The training was as competitive as any match and Daley found he had hit the ground at a sprint. Their first warm up was to lap the training pitch five times. He led the pack of full health players with ease, along with Robin and another new player, Di Maria.

 “Fucking Dutch,” someone huffed behind him, earning laughs from the rest of the squad. He realised that as the leaders of the group, they were setting the pace. The Dutch were known for their speed and he’d forgotten he’d have that advantage here.

Spurred by the remark, Robin put on a burst of speed, matched by his fellow leaders. Daley could feel his tense, wound up muscles loosening as he opened his run, speeding up. The former Madridista matched him, glancing to the side to give him a grin. Robin, being older, struggled to keep up with them.

The assistant coach standing by the track gave a shout, "Last lap." So Daley stretched his legs in a way that he knew would make Ajax proud, the Dutch way. Di Maria valiantly tried and managed to keep pace. It felt, for the first time since he’d landed in England, like something had clicked. To feel his legs pumping, his blood roaring, adrenaline flooding down his spine like a winter chill, it was amazing.

"Oi!" Came a sharp shout and Daley looked up to see their coach and the straggling players had arrived. "Come in, lads."

The young man couldn't believe his eyes, Ryan Giggs was every bit as awe inspiring in the flesh. He was greying and stronger than he had been in 1999 but he was… Well, he was Ryan Giggs. Daley was star struck, slowing to a walk and making his way back down the training pitch.

Di Maria fell into step beside him and extended a hand towards him. “I am Angel,” he said, stressing his words in the way people new to a language often did. It caused Daley to smile, he knew the man would be well looked after by the Spaniards on the team.

"I am Daley," he replied clearly, shaking the offered hand. He felt as uncomfortable as Angel likely did. He'd never had much cause to speak a lot of English, only what he'd learned in high school and in interviews. Robin had warned him before that no one in England knows Dutch. Well, no one knew Dutch except for the Dutch themselves.

The team made a circle around their new coach. Daley knew of Giggs’ odd position, having been managing the team a handful of months ago, still being a part of the team not long before that. The way that everyone lapsed into silence standing around him showed the respect they had for him. Daley had grown up watching the man, Gary Neville, Paul Scholes and the rest of the Class of 92 take Manchester United by storm. He had always practiced the goals and tricks he saw on TV with his dad and his friends in the garden. Now, Daley was standing in front of a legend; a living, breathing part of history and would do the same thing every day from now on. It was breathtaking.

"Glad to see two of our newest stretching their legs. Just don’t tire yourselves out, I’ll be putting you through your paces today. Blind, good to meet you," Giggs shook his hand and Daley was surprised he could do just that.

"Pleasure’s all mine," he mumbled, hearing muffled laughing that could only be Robin just behind him.

Giggs gave a modest smile and nod. "How’s Dad?" He asked.

Daley lit up at the mention of his father. “Well thank you. He's proud.”

"I’ll bet. Your dad is a fantastic player, Daley. It’s my job to make you better than him though," Ryan said and everyone else tittered. "I look forward to the challenge, you’re full of potential. Robin?"

"Ryan?" Robin replied with a cheeky grin.

"Take care of him - and that doesn’t mean drinking and strip clubs, for god's sake," Giggs instructed. Laughter rippled around the assembled team. Robin gripped Daley’s shoulders, giving them a squeeze. It made him wonder what other poor soul had been entrusted to Robin's care. "Where’s the other newbie? The man of the hour himself, Radamel Falcao…"

The introductions went on in a similar manner, with Giggs making sure that Falcao would be well cared for. As soon as that was done, he started putting them through various strength and cardio circuits. Daley paired up with Robin for a small circuit to increase their footwork speed. It was difficult to begin but he could already feel it helping.

They chatted in Dutch, both sounding far more comfortable and less strained in their mother tongue. Daley asked about Shaqueel and Dina, leading Robin to grin and talk about his beautiful children at great length. When Daley's lungs and calves had started to burn, Robin changed the subject so sharply Daley was stunned for a moment.

“So, what’s the deal with you and Jasper?”

The mention of the name made his throat tighten. “Jasper?” He said, nearly stumbling over the rope ladder he was running through.

The older man snorted. "Cillessen," he clarified, miming saving a strike to jog Daley's memory. When the younger boy was silent for a second, he huffed. "Don’t treat me like I’m stupid, Daley."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Daley muttered.

He could feel eyes boring into the back of his head. "Sure you don't," Robin grumbled. His ability to behave and speak like a child never ceased to amaze Daley. An uncomfortable silence lapsed as they went to a new circuit. And, just like a grumpy child, Robin was the first to break the silence. "Look. I’ve had… troubles with teammates before," he explained, red rising in his cheeks that had little to do with the circuits. "You and Jasper, you’re more than friends, I see it. You’re also not too happy with each other right now. And as captain of the national team, I need to know," he explained, his voice slightly strained by his laboured breathing.

Struggling to know what to say, Daley stayed quiet.

"Trouble between players affects the entire team, as you've seen all too well," Robin said. "They weaken a team, stop us operating as a system. Any weaknesses need to be fixed," Robin spoke clinically but in the next instant, his voice carried a note of warning. "You aren’t in Eredivisie anymore, Daley. We aren’t a family who help each other through difficulties; it’s tougher here. In all honesty? We’re in it for ourselves, plain and simple and if you show weakness, you’ll be eaten alive."

The simple admission made Daley's stomach churn and not for the first time he wondered if this had all been a mistake. “I say this because I care about you, Daley," Robin persisted. "I want to help you and if Jasper Cillessen is affecting your game, I need to know." He knew it was rare, to hear footballers on this level utter the words 'I care about you.' He should grab it with both hands.

 He sighed, giving a slight nod. "We, uh - we said things we shouldn’t have," he began, concentrating his gaze on his shoes. "I wanted to turn down my transfer to be with him, he thought I was being stupid-"

"That is stupid."

"-but he said it because he doesn’t believe he’s worth it," Daley explained, saying the words vehemently. He could feel Robin's eyes on him again but he kept his shoulders hunched and his head down, concentrating on what he was doing. "Everything he’s been through, all the abuse he got after Rio, after every time he concedes a fucking goal. He doesn’t believe in himself and he doesn’t think he’s worth loving," he could barely control his words.

Robin was silent for a moment, muttering something under his breath. “Here I was thinking this was some lover’s spat,” he mumbled, pausing his exercise for a moment to scratch at the back of his head. “And what did you say?”

"Huh?"

"Men like us, we have the last word, Daley," Robin pointed out with conviction. "We're like women that way. What did you say?"

Daley allowed himself a moment to titter at that before thinking to his words. Words that still felt like a lead weight on his heart. "I… I called him spineless."

His training partner made a sound. "A person he loves confirmed everything he thought of himself," Robin said. "God."

The judgement behind Robin's words made Daley feel defensive. Stupidly, he felt that way even though what he'd said was awful. "I didn’t mean it! I was so angry, so drunk. I didn’t- I didn’t mean a word," he felt sick.

Putting a hand on his shoulder, Robin stopped Daley where he stood. “Daley, it’s okay, I understand,” he said. Daley saw a truth in his eyes, a flash of something Robin usually so carefully hid with his charm and wit. “I’ve hurt my loved ones before and I understand how you feel right now.” Daley felt the trembling in his chest slow, his eyes still stinging. “Just promise me something.”

"What?"

Robin started up his exercise again, focusing on it for a moment and carefully selecting his words. "Jasper is a good man, he deserves someone who will show him that. Promise me that you are good and true. That you're not just another stupid little boy with no idea what to do with the money that drops into his account every week. If you can promise me that, I will help you in any way that I can," his words were too personal and pained to just be a generalisation. His words suggested Robin saw his younger self in Daley, saw a part of his own past in Daley’s present. Daley didn’t dare ask who Robin hurt, whether he’d fixed that hurt. That was too personal and Daley was immensely grateful for what Robin had already afforded him.

"I promise," he said, ignoring the quiver in his voice. The man who had said all those things that night, that wasn’t really him. He loved Jasper, pure and simple. More than anything, he needed Jasper to know that he was loved.

"Then, I’m here to help."

At that moment, Giggs stopped at their station. “Okay there, gents?” He asked.

As easily as he snapped back to English, Robin was back to his bubbly, charming self. “Of course,” he said, giving a grin. “Just explaining to Daley who’s shampoo it’s okay to put hair dye in.”

Giggs laughed. “Sneak some black dye into your own whilst you're at it," he chided.

Wearing an expression of mock hurt, Robin covered his silvering hair. "You're one to talk, old man."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Excuse my awful Spanish, I took it last year and my classes were first thing on a Monday and last thing on a Friday. Both were spent trying not to fall fast asleep.  
> I'm sorry this took so long! Disaster struck on Friday, I fell ill :( I'm much better now though!  
> Any feedback at all is massively appreciated. Just one chapter to go and I promise it'll be a good'n :)  
> My [tumblr](http://www.scisaaclahey.co.vu)


	4. Chapter 4

"This... this is your plan," Daley said, incredulous as Robin finished explaining.

The older man raised his eyebrows. "Yes," he asserted. "Trust me, the shy ones love this romantic shit." His brown eyes were serious and Daley had to repress a groan.

"First of all - if there even is a starting point to all this - how?"

"There are people in high up positions who owe me favours," Robin explains in an exasperated tone. "Why aren't you as excited about this as I am?"

Daley resisted the temptation to ask the older man what exactly it was that he did to have people indebted to him - he decided he didn't really want to know. "I mean, it would be amazing if it worked but doesn't it lack privacy? It's always busy and there is a big conversation that needs to happen before Jasper would even look me in the eye." He said in a moping tone.

"The whole thing loses its spontaneity when you put this much thought into it, Daley. That's my job," Robin told him. "Groundskeepers leave at ten and come in at seven. Between then, it's only security."

"I don't know, Robin."

"Say yes. Please, Daley. Say yes and we'll set it up in an instant!"

"I... yeah, okay."

Robin nodded, a boyish look of excitement coming onto his face. "Alright. Come back to mine. There are people to blackmail and lies to set up." He swung his sports bag up onto his shoulder and pulled his phone out of his pocket. Daley just shook his head and shouldered his bag, following the man out of the changing rooms. Surely it was an awful idea to trust Robin van Persie.

* * *

 

He was so nervous. His hair must be plastered to his skull, he must be shaking. He knew he could barely stand still, rocking on the balls of his feet, wringing his hands behind his back. Robin had left him to meet Jasper outside about fifteen minutes ago and had hopefully managed to drag him inside for a quick tour before their big night out.

Daley's blood roared in his ears as he waited for any sign of life in the colossal stadium. Old Trafford was beautiful at night. The flood lights illuminated the pitch and the empty stands. The Sir Alex Ferguson stand, with its white "Manchester United" seating was right behind him. This was so cheesy and over the top, Jasper would hate it. Seeing Daley there would only make it worse.

Daley didn't have any time to back out now though, as he heard footsteps and voices in the tunnel. He didn't know if Jasper could see him yet; the flood lighting made it difficult to see down the tunnel he'd walked so many times over the past month. Breathing was becoming difficult.

Then, two figures came into sight. They squinted against the glare of the flood lights for a moment, the shorter of the two looking exceptionally pleased with himself. The taller met Daley's eyes and the look of wonder disappeared, his eyes going wide and blank. Jasper swallowed hard. "Huh," Robin said. "Fancy seeing you here-"

"-Daley," Jasper breathed, his arms reaching. Daley met him halfway and they collided, holding each other tight with the need and anxiety that had twisted in Daley's stomach for an entire month now. "What's going on?" The taller man muttered into the wild curls on Daley's head, barely audible.

Daley pulled back to look Jasper in the eye. "I needed to see you, to speak with you," he explained, feeling lost in the warmth of Jasper's arms and gaze. "I just decided, what better way to do it than to bring together two of the most important things in my life?"

"Aw, Daley, that's so kind of you to say," Robin interjected, holding his hand to his heart in mocking.

"Pretty sure I can take it from here," Daley said, raising his eyebrows at his mentor.

"Sure?"

"Sure."

Robin nodded. "See you at national training then, boys. I have a special someone to meet, too. Don't do anything I wouldn't do," he instructs them before giving a farewell nod and trotting off down the tunnel.

"Doesn't rule out much, does it?" Jasper said, causing Daley to laugh.

He would like to pretend the silence that lapsed was comfortable, for soaking up the warmth and proximity of their bodies. But, truthfully, it was stagnant and painful. "Jasper, we need to talk," he said.

Jasper looked pained, his eyes skating over the top of Daley's head until they found the blanket and basket sitting on the pitch. His lips twisted into a tiny smile. "Love, you have nothing to apologise for," he insisted. "It was me who was unreasonable. I'm sorry." He took Daley's hand and pulled him onto the pitch, collapsing backwards onto the picnic blanket and pulling Daley down with him.

Daley gave a tiny sound as he fell into Jasper's lap, couldn't help giggling as he adjusted himself to straddle the other man's legs. They just smiled and laughed for a second, then Daley calmed himself. "No, Jasper. It was me," he said. "You did what was best for me, for us, as you always do." Jasper's eyes were serious right now, watching Daley with such concentration and care that he felt his heart swell. Jasper cared so much and it hurt Daley that he was capable of causing him pain. "What I said, I didn't mean a word. You are so brave, Jasper. You are brave for putting yourself on the world stage, for playing the toughest role in the game. For walking away when I just couldn't. You're amazing and you surprise me and make me fall even more in love every day. You mean so much to so many people and I want to show you how much you matter."

"How much trouble will you get in for all of this?" Jasper asked, forever asking the important questions.

Daley had to crack a smile. "A little," he said. Jasper fought hard against the grin that threatened to break out across his face. He pressed his forehead to Daley's, steady hands settling on his hips. Daley's hands splayed across Jasper's chest, feeling the quickening thump of his heart under his fingertips. "Okay, probably a lot."

 "I love you so much," Jasper admitted, sounding so gleeful as he did.

Daley didn't even try to stop the tearful laugh that escaped his throat. He fell onto Jasper and kissed him, insistent and loving. Jasper kissed him right back, long eyelashes sweeping his cheeks, smiling into the kiss like the happiest man in the world. "I love you," Daley gasped between kisses. "I love you, Jasper."

They stayed like that for a time, just kissing and holding each other and pressing against each other. Jasper pulled back and for a moment, they listened to the thumping of hearts and laboured breathing. "It's kind of beautiful here," Jasper remarked, eyes fluttering open to look around the stadium. "You must love it."

"I do," Daley said truthfully. "I'm living the dream every time I walk out of that tunnel. I'm so happy here." Daley watched Jasper look around, wondrous. "I have so many friends already and I've learned so much. It's... the theatre of dreams. But it's even more special now that you're here."

Jasper's smile was astonishingly wide and it made Daley's heart flutter. He reached behind the taller man to open the basket that sat on the grass and pulled out his football. Jasper laughed gleefully when he saw it and Daley hugged it to his chest. "For old time's sake?" he asked. Jasper leaned in and kissed him gently over the ball before helping him get to his feet.

"For us and our future," he amended.

The hours seemed to sweep by as they played around and ran after each other. Daley could do more keepy ups than Jasper but Jasper was better at the crossbar challenge. Daley's hair kept falling in his eyes and when Jasper laughed with his entire body, he was paralysed, leaving Daley to score an easy goal.

"What did you say?" Daley asked, tears of laughter clouding his eyes as he stood at the penalty spot.

Jasper was still laughing behind him at some nonsensical comment or Daley slipping and nearly bruising his tailbone. Which one it was, Daley wasn't sure. Jasper's laughter was music to his ears. "I don't know," he wheezed.

"No, you do! You called me something!"

Jasper had a hand pressed over the laughing stitch in his side. "You remind me of Simba," he admitted, giggling as he did.

Daley made an indignant sound and smoothed down his hair yet again. He made a face at Jasper and lined himself up to take the penalty. His mind concentrated on the top left corner, the ball bouncing sharply off the post, unstoppable, clashing into the back of the net like a cannon ball.

He took three long strides and met the ball with the instep of his right foot, striking strong and true. The goalposts shuddered at the force of the impact and the ball bounded in, a nearly perfect penalty scored. "Yes!" Daley screamed, throwing his arms in the air in triumph.

Jasper clashed into him, winding his arms around Daley's waist. He hoisted the smaller man into the air and spun him around, rejoicing in the laughter and high pitched sounds that Daley came out with.

Then, standing face to face, their laughter died out. With Daley's arms wrapped around Jasper's neck and Jasper holding their waists together, they couldn't have been closer. Suddenly, a thought occurred to Daley. "Why did you agree to come to Manchester for a night out with Robin?"

Jasper chuckled at that, squeezing Daley's hips. "I was supposed to be hanging out with David De Gea tomorrow," he explained. "That, and any opportunity to see you, even if it would only be a glimpse, was worth taking."

Daley gave a smile and a slow sigh, pressing a kiss to Jasper's jaw. "I'm sure I can speak with David about that," he said, matching Jasper's grin. He was about to kiss him again when Jasper interrupted.

"Am I the only one who is _really_ curious about Robin's _special someone?"_ he asked.

"Really? You don't know?" Daley said, bewildered. He himself had only worked it out recently, in truth. Jasper shook his head, brow creased with confusion. Daley chuckled. "You're oblivious," he breathed.

"You're not going to tell me," Jasper stated as Daley leaned up onto his tip toes.

Daley teased Jasper with his lips, leaning back every time the taller man made to close the gap between them. "Nope," he said, giving a triumphant grin as Jasper rolled his eyes.

Finally, he surged forward to close the space.

But then he yelped as he was hit with a cascade of cool, icy water. Jasper jumped, arms curling achingly tight around Daley as they looked up, bewildered and confused. Then, they snorted and made disbelieving sounds. The sun was rising and the sprinklers had begun to water the pitch.

Daley kissed Jasper once more, anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I'm so sorry that this isn't exactly the best quality but I'm leaving to go on holiday in a few hours and I really don't want to leave you all hanging for the last chapter for an entire week. I'm sorry for the quality and haste, but I hope you enjoy it anyway :)  
> This has been SO much fun to write and I've loved it. I sadly won't be writing much in my holidays because when I get home, I'm home for a few days and then away again to Manchester for a weekend. I'll be going to see Liverpool play!!!! So excited.  
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed. All feedback & kudos are massively appreciated and I love you guys to bits.  
> Regards, El <3  
> my [tumblr](http://www.scisaaclahey.co.vu)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed! Tell me what you think in the comments :)  
> Unbeta-d, all mistakes are my own.  
> My [tumblr](http://www.scisaaclahey.co.vu)


End file.
